Post no.6 - "Nothingness"

Really, that post title has no correlation with this entry.

So I've been having outfield trainings this past week... many things have happened, things that caused me to be angry, to be unhappy... or to feel irritated. I don't know why but ever since I took on the role of an Instructor, I became intolerant towards mistakes committed by my trainees... mistakes that I could've committed when I was a trainee myself. While I understand deep down that things don't usually go my way, I was really angry when my cadets committed stupid mistakes... or when they told me they wanted to give up. Looking at them jolted the memories of me during my cadet days. Those were the days that I could afford to reveal my sadness and my fatigue. Those were the days... when I could afford to live by without having to care about anything.

Sigh....

Even as I am typing this entry, I'm still thinking of my section mates, my commanders and my friends. Maybe it is due to the fact that I was trained by strict commanders, OCs who are very regimental, I flared at my cadets when they commit stupid mistakes, breaching safety regulations. As I count down to the days my cadets have left before they passed out from their Foundation Term, I wonder if I have the opportunity to groom them into trainees who are well anchored in basics, who at least can perform simple drills and have knowledge up to Section Commander level.

I wonder..

Anyway, life has been pretty dull these past weeks. I wonder if that's why I felt very empty deep down. The thought of going through IQC is killing me.... having to march, to do ambush... platoon movements and most importantly, HCC.