Post no.6 - "Nothingness"

Really, that post title has no correlation with this entry.

So I've been having outfield trainings this past week... many things have happened, things that caused me to be angry, to be unhappy... or to feel irritated. I don't know why but ever since I took on the role of an Instructor, I became intolerant towards mistakes committed by my trainees... mistakes that I could've committed when I was a trainee myself. While I understand deep down that things don't usually go my way, I was really angry when my cadets committed stupid mistakes... or when they told me they wanted to give up. Looking at them jolted the memories of me during my cadet days. Those were the days that I could afford to reveal my sadness and my fatigue. Those were the days... when I could afford to live by without having to care about anything.

Sigh....

Even as I am typing this entry, I'm still thinking of my section mates, my commanders and my friends. Maybe it is due to the fact that I was trained by strict commanders, OCs who are very regimental, I flared at my cadets when they commit stupid mistakes, breaching safety regulations. As I count down to the days my cadets have left before they passed out from their Foundation Term, I wonder if I have the opportunity to groom them into trainees who are well anchored in basics, who at least can perform simple drills and have knowledge up to Section Commander level.

I wonder..

Anyway, life has been pretty dull these past weeks. I wonder if that's why I felt very empty deep down. The thought of going through IQC is killing me.... having to march, to do ambush... platoon movements and most importantly, HCC.

Post No.5 - "By The Way"

It's been almost a week since I last blogged. Kinda missed blogging... but at the same time, too lazy to do so. Chinese has always been my Mother Tongue and that's why I've always tried to maintain quality command of the language. Despite so, I realised that my command over the language has dropped drastically, especially ever since I returned to serving the nation. I posted a personal message on my Facebook just recently and I was surprised to be corrected for that message, especially since it was in Chinese. The friend who corrected me made me realised how long has it been since I've last used Chinese. Simple message was posted with silly mistake that I would have never thought to commit in the past. Oh well, guess I really have to start reading more articles that are written in Chinese. You readers might even get to read chinese entries posted by me in the near future. Stay tune!

Anyway, Today is National Day. Despite so, I am not really in the celebration mood probably because my "Hell Week" is not over yet. Last week was a really busy week for me as I was practically outfield all the way. Don't really like the feeling of staying outfield, but I shan't complain much especially when I don't perspire as much as my cadets.

Oh yeah, I really should start my intensive training. Eversince I took on the role as an Instructor, I've been gaining weight... so much so that I couldn't even recognise myself anymore. If I were to start running 2.4KM run now, I would sure fall flat. That being said, I have to really start training hard because my Instructor Qualification Course is starting soon. That means, I have to take the Fitness Test, the SOC and PASSING THEM to qualify myself as an Instructor.

I started watching the Taiwanese Drama "Knock Knock Loving You" yesterday and it is really a good drama. You guys should catch it if you people are free! Oh yeah, If you guys have any good dramas to introduce to me, you can always message me... especially since I'm running out of dramas to watch. GOOD dramas actually. It's ironic how my command of chinese has gone rusty especially when I've been watching Chinese dramas recently. Taiwanese Dramas to be exact. You people can also introduce good Koreans dramas and Japanese dramas too!

I really can't stand people who whin all day. Like really, if you know you have to change, then start changing yourself for the better! What's the point of posting messages that attract attention or for the purpose of gaining others' compassion? Scolding yourself won't make your life any happier anyway. Besides, it's really annoying in my opinion. I'm sorry if I sound really mean here, especially when I was guilty of such acts in the past.

By the way, Happy National Day to all the dear readers and friends out there! Have a good day ahead.

Post no.4 - "Instructor"

Many of my friends commented on how lucky I was to be selected as an Instructor but that is really not the case. Maybe on the surface, the life of an instructor is less taxing to most and very often, you get to see them roaming around doing nothing. That is, however, not the case. Being an Instructor may be less physically taxing, as in we don't do as much drills and physical activities as compared to our counterparts in other camps. Despite so, we experience much more pressure from the high ups to "level up" our knowledge to the maximum. What they do not realise, very often, is that we are still "newbies", as in we just joined the family not long ago. True enough, our rank might suggest that we are well-versed in our field but that does not mean that we are perfect or rather, we have to be perfect.

I believe no one if perfect, the irony is that people around us seek for perfection. Give us some time, to build up our knowledge. Maybe one batch, maybe two. I can't guarantee when, but I know we are definitely trying our best. It's very disheartening to see or hear the negative comments from many groups of higher ups. We as Instructors follow a set of directives set up by our head, it is very saddening to see how people are abusing their authority to actually, abuse us and to command us on changing on our training to their discretions.

Starting from tomorrow, I am embarking on trainings regarding Outfields and Navigations. I am looking forward to training my cadets to be well anchored in basics. At the same time, I also hope that I can improve myself, to be a better instructor. I might not be able to blog frequently as these few weeks are packed with night trainings. So.. until then!